February 2010
17 posts
Yahoo Answers Adventures - Orange Soup
One from Luke today. This one became quite a heated issue.
Us: My friend took me to a fancy restaurant for my 19th birthday, and i felt like being quite fancy, so i ordered the pumpkin carrot soup. However, when i recieved my soup, it was Way Too Orange! i simply despise, Orange. When i ordered the waiter to take it back, he gave me some 'lip' and 'back chat' claiming that the colour cannot be changed, so instead, he brought me green pea soup! I do not want Green Pea Soup, I do not Like Green Pea Soup, I Want a non Orange Carrot and Pumpkin Soup. Please help me, what should i do, would this make a good lawsuit, can i sue these devilish ba****ds!
Response: Next time order the green pea soup. Then you can go home and pee green soup.
Response: oh please,..... you cant take someone to court because you didnt like the color of the soup, what color did you expect, pumpkins are orange and so are carrots, grow up for gods sake, dont you have anything better to ***** about, other than the color of your soup, what do you need help with, the only thing i can think of is maybe you need some mental help, either that or stick with something more your speed, like McDonald's or Chucky Cheeze
Response: Could you troll more please? No, seriously, can you add in a part about tomato soup being brought to you as well? Maybe some white cream of broccoli?
Response: you could wear some sunglasses then it would change the colour or some 3D glasses to also change the colour. i hope that answers your question
Response: you disgust me!..you ordered orange soup! carrots are orange..so are pumpkins..wuold you rather eat food coloring?...i hope you stick to eating at mcdonalds in the future you fat piece of ****
Response: WTF!!!! U DUN NEED TO LAWSUIT, FRGT ABOUT IT!!!!
Our uber duper awesomely fantastic chicken...
Post by Luke
So me and my brother were screwin around with our mums walky talky, and we were having no luck with the signal by waving it around like it was a feather duster. So we tried a different approach.. We pointed it directly at one of our chickens and BAM!
as soon as we pointed it at our chook, the walky talky said, in a hairy, scary, deep, bikey kind of voice..
“I’ll be back...
This made my day
Post by Luke
So i was walkin to school, and i was goin down a fairly long street all by myself, and i sneeze.. Really loudly.
Proud of myself, i keep on walking to my destination and suddenly i hear this
BLESS YOOOOOOOOOU!!!
from aaalll the way down the street haha. It made my day.
4 tags
Backwards!
Post by Hugh.
Today, I feel like writing a post completely back-to-front. So I have
ı ɔɐu,ʇ qǝlıǝʌǝ ʎon ɐɹǝ ɐɔʇnɐllʎ qoʇɥǝɹıuƃ ʇo ɹǝɐp ʇɥıs dosʇ˙ ıʇ,s ɐ ɔoɯdlǝʇǝ’ nʇʇǝɹ ʍɐsʇǝ oɟ ʇıɯǝ˙ ı,ɯ ʍɐɹuıuƃ ʎon ɥǝɹǝ’ ʇɥǝɹǝ ıs uoʇɥıuƃ ʍoɹʇɥ ɹǝɐpıuƃ ɥǝɹǝ˙ ı,ɯ uoʇ ƃoıuƃ ʇo ʍɐsʇǝ ɐ ƃoop sʇoɹʎ ou ɐ ƃıɯɯıɔʞ dosʇ ʍɥıɔɥ uo-ouǝ ıs ƃoıuƃ ʇo ɹǝɐp˙ ʍǝll’ ʇo qǝ ɟɹɐuʞ (qʎ ʇɥǝ ʍɐʎ’ ıɟ ʎon,ɹǝ ɐ ɟɐu...
Damn you Mr Table Varnish!
Post by Luke
Today i arrived at school in what i thought was perfect uniform, but in fact, wasnt.
Not even 3 seconds was I on school grounds, did a teacher, who we nick-named Mr Table Varnish, yelled the flozmatron outta me!
He took me to his office, he lectured me about Respect, Integrity and some other floppin nonsense (i wasnt really paying attention) anyway, he was so upset in fact, that he...
Yahoo Answers Adventures: Burgers without Burgers
A very odd one today. It's always interesting to ask for near impossible, then to see the suggestions that sprout.
Us: My friend says the hamburgers at this fancy restaurant are FANTASTIC and that he insists that I try one. However, I don't like bread, meat, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, sauce, onion, bacon, egg, beetroot, pickles, salt, pepper or mustard. How do I ask at the counter for a burger that suits my tastes? I don't want to be rude, and my friend is really desperate for me to try one.
Response: "I don't like bread, meat, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, sauce, onion, bacon, egg, beetroot, pickles, salt, pepper or mustard" hahahahaha....okay....so what the heck is a burger then if you take all those out???? ask the person this way, then: "hi! can get a veggie patty plain, please? no buns or ketchup or mayo or mustard. just a plain veggie patty on a plate, thanks." and then completely ignore the strange look that will come across the cashier's face as you hand them your money
Response: Whenever my boyfriend orders a burger he says "Just the burger and the bun, nothing else" and sometimes they think he means it's okay to put ketchup and mustard... then he takes it back and says this is not what I asked for. Just don't say it in a rude tone and smile
Response: just tell them! its their job to serve what YOU asked for and how YOU like it don't think you are being rude. if they have a problem with it. then its not a "fantastic"
Response: How do you eat burgers when you don't like meat or bread? (or anything that goes with it) Just order the fish!
Response: ask 4 a it n if they say no then eat them
Response: ask for it plain, without a bun.
Shoes. Just what do we know about them?
Post by Hugh
Sorry about the lack of posts lately from chumps here, but I’ve been rather busy lately. And then there was an incident with a tin of sardines which tried to, well, let’s not go there.
So, I was thinking. Shoes. What good are they really? If humans never invented shoes, then our feet would be far tougher than they are today, therefore there would be no need for shoes...
King K-Rudd
Post by Luke
Well, just about every gamer has played the fantastic n64 prodigy Donkey Kong 64, and if you havnt, i strongly suggest you do.
Anyway, in DK64, there are 2 characters i found rather amusing.
King K-Rool
and his brother
K-lumbsy
the reason i find this so amusing is because, if you get rid of the hyphen, it describes the characters, for King K-rool, it becomes King Krool, seeing...
E-Gad!
Post by Luke
Its inhumanly impossible to say Irish Wristwatch fluently on the first try!
Kevin Rudd will be hearing an angry letter about this!
School Work
Post By Luke
I swear, if i spent even a quarter of amount of time on doing my school work, rather than thinking up massively overcomplicated schemes, plans, and designs, for ways to get OUT of doing my work, i might actually get somewhere in life haha
but….theres no fun in that
“can muslims breathe under water?”
– my rather racist friend haha
Problems
Post by Hugh
We should be solving the world’s problems, not creating more, just to help us get our kicks solving them. That’s why I feel mathematics may be slightly immoral.
“a couple of weeks ago, my parents caught me looking at porn, and as punishment,...”
– www.wellthatsawkwards.com or something like that :)
Yahoo Answers Adventures - A Sticky Situation
A very different one this time. We're not quite sure how many people believed it, but everyone got into the spirit well.
Us: Okay, I'm on my laptop now. I need your advice. I decided to take a bath in melted cheese (okay, I know I'm a bit weird, but I'm a huge cheese fanatic). I've been in here for about an hour and just a few moments ago, I tried to get out. To my surprise, the cheese had set around me. I think I might be able to get out, but doing so would crack and destroy the cheese, which I do not want to do. What do you think I should do?
Response: The annual hot cheese bath? Yes, these are good times for dairy farmers! The best bet is to turn on the hot water. The cheese should soften. If you can reach it, any sort of heater in the bathroom can help, even a hairdryer may help a little. Be careful with the rats suggestion. They have a hard time distinguishing cheese from human flesh. They both taste so good. Eating your way out is a good, practical option. However, I recommend a good stool softener for the next few days.
Response: Since you are on your computer I suppose you are fine. I hope you did not clog your drains with cheese.
Response: OK I had the same problem a couple days ago-_- Here's what you do. Find a big rat to knaw you out of the cheese and call the boys in white coat's to take you to a nice padded room where you can't hurt yourself or anyone around you anymore.
Response: Write a children's book! They'd love this story!!
Response: Yell for some salsa and chips!!
Response: You could try eating your way out of it by having a party with some chips and wine. Stay where you are, let them bring the chips and wine. Be discrete, save some for a coverup.
A plea.
Post by Hugh
Graffiti is a terrible thing and please, never think about doing such a vile act of vandalism. Near my local area, surprise surprise there is some graffiti. Now, for privacy’s sake, I’m not going to say what the tag is. Let’s just assume it’s Frogs for the sake of the argument.
Now, some clown has not only defaced a beautiful architectural wonder that is a...
January 2010
63 posts
Deevan - Our Hero
Post by Hugh
Deevan has won our rather remarkable competition! Deevan, your prize is…well, um. Nothing, sorry. If anyone wants to send Deevan a prize for his fantastic work, feel free.
What was the answer, you ask? Well, first things first, I’d advise you to stop talking to your inanimate monitor. Secondly, see below.
Spare me, for I cannot think of what to post.
Although, I did...
Test your erotic vocabulary!
Post by Luke
a few nights ago, i was watching some late night television.
and we all know what keeps popping up late at night… yep, Porn
Porn after porn after porn, Nelly, Lulu, Mary, all wanting you to subscribe to their mobile phone deal, one after the other, Its Madness!
but, there was one advert in paticular, that caught my attention. (lol not like that)
This one, seemed to want to...
6 tags
Hugh's rather remarkable competition in which you...
Post by Hugh
Spare me, for I cannot think of what to post.
Although, I did think of something rather clever.
Let me show you what I mean.
To tell the truth, I think it’s rather remarkable, you see,
Everyone in my family eats flour on a regular basis
Dare I say, it is rather tasty.
Never once will you catch my eating a meal without it.
Unintentionally, at least.
Trevor, my friend,...
Mathematics: Warning, contains coarse language!
Post by Hugh
My mathematical reasoning behind why people dislike $0 upfront mobile phone plans
Aww! It's an over tray!
Today, I had rather interesting ‘incident’ with my dad. This is how it went:
I was washing the dishes, rather, I was drying a very large oven tray with a tea towel. I had my arms wrapped all around it, attempting to dry the entirety of the tray.
Then my dad walked past, not really looking at what I was doing.
He said: “Ah, it’s so cute, isn’t it”?
I’m...
Bells
Post by Hugh
Yet another strange drawing.
Thats our Sonic
Post by Luke
Just a few hours ago, my family and i went school supply shopping (ugh…)
As we were leaving the driveway, we saw our kitty cat, Sonic, sitting under a tree, watching our car as it was pulling out.
He was just…sitting there..watching us..it was quite traumatizing i must say.
anyway
We were out for a few hours, and when we finally got home we noticed Sonic was still...
The missing posts: an update in the exciting saga...
Post by Hugh
Well, after I reported our posts as missing from our blog’s main page, they seem to have returned! The cheek of it…
Today's Posts: Wanted dead or alive
Post by Hugh
Today’s posts have…disappeared!
All reports on our dashboard indicate their presence, however, they are nowhere to been seen on blog’s main page. Have they been stolen? Have they run away to join the circus? Is the part of a sinister conspiracy involving explosives and a very malevolent container of hummus?
Have you seen today’s posts running around your...
I really wanna...
Post by Luke
I’d like to go completely bald/shave my head, walk into a hair dressers, and demand that the barber gave me a stylish haircut.
When the barber gives me ‘lip’ and ‘backchat’ such as
“I CANT!? You have no hair to cut.. or stylise!”
i’d exclaim that, that style went out of fashion months ago and demand a better one!
Yahoo Answers Adventures: Smoked Salmon
Just a short one today, this time about the delicate subject of smoked salmon.
Us: Dont get me wrong, its delicious, but smoking is a bad habit, so is it possible for me to contract lung cancer from fish that have been smoking to create that delicious smoked flavour?
Response: MMMMM. but i agree. fish should stop smoking. Don't they know the risks! Well they should.... because they are all dead and you are eating them.
Response: Look for salmon that smoke low tar cigarettes.
Response: you have to physically inhale the smoke to get lung cancer, smoked means they cook the fish with hot smoke.
The lost power button - the second installment of...
Post by Hugh.
About two weeks ago - a time where our follower count was starved and deprived - I posted a sad tale about a rather unfortunate incident in which I lost the power button to my computer monitor. Here’s the full story for those who (quite sensibly) missed it the first time around.
“I can’t believe it, this is ridiculous! You see, I was finished with the computer, so I...
Harrold Mitchy, we salute you!
Post by Hugh.
A few days ago on Harrold Mitchy reviewed our blog on the rather unoriginally named ‘Blogged.com’ Mr. Mitchy gave In Memory of Omer 9.3/10, a rating which made us quiver with excitement.
Mr. Mitchy commended our originality and called us ‘silly idiots’, a description we wholeheartedly agree with.
We’d like to say thank you Harrold, and let’s...
Yahoo Answers Adventures - Turnovers
It's a bit of a shame, this one. We had high hopes, but no-one got it. Check it out anyway.
Us: Huge turnovers at bakeries? The other day I was walking passed a bakery with my friend. I asked him, "How do small bakeries like that one stay in buisness agaist all the big chains? They have such good prices." He said "They work on a huge turnover." Has anyone tried one of these 'huge turnovers'? Have you ever tried a flavour other than apple?
Response: yes chocolate and cherry
Response: No i haven't tried one yet, they're so big that makes them very expensive! if you like we could go halves on one!
Response: Yes! The best filling is rat and roach! This also maximizes the profits for the bakery, as the ingredients are all free and sourced from the kitchen. Yum!!!!
Ahh!
Post by Hugh
Today, I had a some ceral and a slice of toast for breakfast. Ahh, living the high life!
Soap Operas
Gladis: Oh Derik! I must break up with you!
Derik: BUT WHY GLADIS! WE WERE … NO.. We ARE SO GOOD TOGETHER
Gladis: DERIK….I love you so much…Make sweet neck love to me!
Derik: But Gladis..I must confess…. I am having an affair with your sister!
Gladis: BUT DERIK! IM HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR SISTER
Derik: GLADIS! Do you know what this Means! You and i…We are Soul Mates!
Gladis: Derik…If only that could be true…. But alas… I am also having an affair with your mother, brother, uncle, sister, neighbours dog and The Mail Man
Derik: EE GAD Gladis! I Cant take any more of these Lies! The way your neck flab jiggles when you talk…Its….Hypnotizing…I feel that i am going to../has a heart attack
Gladis: DERIK NOOOOO! Curses! Now How will i inherit the 4 million dollars!
Chinese Ghost: Gladis… This is your mothers friends chinese take out salesmans ghost…. I Am Your Father!”
Gladis: OH EHM JEE
sex and the city, neighbors, the bold and the beautiful, soap operas in general, theyre all pretty much like this to me >
One of my many..many failed pick-up lines haha
Post by Luke
hey baby, do you wanna come over to myspace so I can twitter your yahoo untill you google all over my facebook.
Good Show! - Part One
Post by Hugh
Yesterday, I had a spot of bother when some confusion sprouted between my friend, Frank and myself.
You see, I remember it, as it was yesterday. I had long suspected my friend Frank of buying non-free range eggs and felt compelled to do something about this, his one unforgivable flaw.
So, I met young Frank at my local coffee shop, ‘The Old Bean’. He was first to arrive....
“You going to see him on…um…S.N.M. tonight?”
– Anonymous.
Beware of Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion!
Post by Luke
Over the past few months, my little brother has had the most, craziest dreams ever! my older brother and I, would be up playing video games at say 3am or something, and out of no-where, we would hear this
“WE HAVE TO FIND THE SCROLLS!”
or
” QUICK! HELP ME FIND THE LOST RUINS OF NERVARDA!”
or
“Maybe the pirate ship is behind here…”
...
You! Read this, please!
Post by Hugh
We here at Hugh & Luke laboritories like to do a bit of research.
The question we’re asking today is the big one. The one we’ve all been waiting for: Is anyone actually reading this?
If you are, the post an answer bellow. You could even enter a little competition while you’re at it.
When you post, “Yes, I’m here” (assuming anyone does), also...
“Take one to eat, one to love,”
– A certain friend of ours.
Only You Can Save Mankind!
Post by Hugh
Only the other day, I was wondering around in my room of a sunny afternoon when I came across a note. Intrigued, I picked it up.
‘Only you can save mankind’ it read. Underneath those words were another couple of phases, which made no sense. What was this note? Was I chosen? Can I really save the human race, no, more importantly, can I still save humanity and make it back...
Like, Whoa!
Post by Luke
Did you know that the word OK side-ways is a stickman!!
when i found that out, i was like, WHOA!!
Yahoo Answers Adventures: Flying with Soft Drink
This time, one of our most absurd questions of all time. The first we've been told not to reproduce because of our stupidity, a feat which has made us quite proud.
Us: I've worked out how humans can fly! What do you think!? I've always wanted to fly. I was thinking, you know how in the movies, if you attach enough balloons to yourself, you fly, right? I was thinking, if you drank enough bubbly soft drinks, such as lemonade, the bubbles in your stomach would lift you off the ground, right? How much would I need to drink so I can fly or hover about a metre off the ground. I'm about average weight. Thanks a heap.
Response: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard
Response: See, somehow if this were possible i don't think Boeing & Airbus would plow Millions or even Billions in to producing their aircraft.Your innards would probably explode from the pressure or you would have some sort of poisoning or something medically wrong long before you even start to produce any kind of lift.
Response: Oh dear! Please don't reproduce.
Response: there is a reason for natural selection...
Response: You'd have to drink more than you could possibly hold. The reason is that you have a limited space for intake, and even if that was filled with only air, or even helium, the mass of your solid body parts (bones, muscles, fat, skin, etc.) is more than enough to hold you down to earth.
Response: i fly all the time like to come on my back
Response: The lemonade I drink isn't carbonated...
Response: lol
Response: that wudnt work.sorry
Response: This sounds like an idea for Mythbusters.
Members of Parliament
Post by Hugh
I’ve always thought the abbreviation, M.P., (Member of Parliament) should include the ‘o’ of ‘of’, so the abbreviation is MOP. Who wouldn’t want to vote for their local Mop on election day?
What!?
Post by Hugh
I was rocking around the clock from dusk, till dawn. Now the bloody thing’s busted and I can’t find a replacement second hand, first or second hand.
We need your support!
Post by Hugh
Are you actually reading this? Please, if you are, comment, tell us what you think. If you think this blog is the best thing since sliced bread, please write us a review on http://www.blogged.com/blogs/in-memory-of-omer.html, it doesn’t take long at all. Let’s try and boot our rating up to nine or so!
Librarians
Post by Luke
Ok everyone, this is a really biggy
I dunno if its just me, but every single school i have attended, have had one thing that i simply can not stand.
Librarians.
God how i HATE librarians.
they are like, slob monster faced, deformed potato bodied, waddle walking direct descendants of Satans smegma!
not only that, they are lazy, and smell, and have terrible taste in books.
but...